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Okay, enough moping. What’s gone is gone.

Life, I miss you.

The thing is, I’ve always been told to distract myself in the wake of everything that’s been going on, and once you decide to take a break and reflect, it hits you harder than Ali.

Feeling guilty about all the people I’ve cut myself off from……I’ll be back soon; promise : )

Jailbait no more in exactly three months. Worthy of a happy dance.

No matter how much I wanted you out of my life in the past, you still took a piece of me when you left. Surprised that what came as no surprise destroyed me but not you, but then you never cared from the start, did you?

I guess it’s over. Officially? There isn’t a seal or stamp of approval or anything of the sort, but at least the dust is settling on the house now, so to speak.

Four years of throats chafed and hoarse from screaming,  of slammed doors and shattered windows, of hoping and of disbelieving, of fighting against the chasm that gaped larger and larger by day. A little scary to look back and think of all that’s happened, but it’s all written in the textbooks now; it’s history.

Half of me is dying to explain to everyone why I keep vanishing all this time, and the other half is ready to let it all go and move on, move up.

Stranger still, to hear the words “Your life is just beginning.” Damn, and I’m feeling old and tired and wrinkly already. That better not last long.

Time for…

Well, anything’s possible now.

UBC, here I come : )

Due to 2 essays and 1 paragraph in under 3 hours for English provincial, I’ve officially run out of metaphors for awhile. That is, not to say I’ve run out of steam.

Dear Mom:

I’ve watched and waited and tolerated and tormented myself with the idea that someday, you’ll actually live up to your title. About a month ago, it became apparent to me that it will never happen. Honestly, I’m an idiot to cut myself off from the world time and time again and mourn while you tore this family apart. Your selfishness is what brought us all down, and I constantly thank my lucky stars that I was able to pull myself together and stick it out for university. We’ve gone beyond the point of reconciliation, to the point where I’m truly ashamed of myself for having a mother such as yourself. Please don’t react too strongly; look back on what you’ve done and are doing all these years before you point fingers. All I can do now is patch up the wounds and forget about the one person who should mean the world to me but instead ripped that world into fragments and stamped across them again and again. No, I’m not trying to be cruel. It’s just fair, really. You’ve done enough damage to last me a lifetime, and trust me, it will. It definitely will.

F.

C’est ma rêve de triompher la guerre de vie.

C’est tout possible, maintenant.

Les nuages disparaissent, je peux élever mes yeux au ciel enfin.

J’attends pour ces rêves de fleurir, de prospérer

Et finalement…

Brillons, chèrie, brillons : )

April 2010
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