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Tired.

Lonely.

Disconnected.

Missing out.

Wish you could’ve been there for me. This time. Next time? Drowsy now, flashes of anesthesia lingering…

What terrifies me is how weightless, how exhilarating it felt, to drift off to sleep with a dose of narcotics shot up the veins, and waking up submerged in water, the world a muffled blur of shadows and whispers. Laughter. Now where’d that come from?

I tried to hold back the tears, biting my lips to deaden the sound, waking up all by myself with nothing but the drip of the intravenous, pulsations of the heart monitor and the cold twinkle of light outside the window. Reminded me of another time.

But this is for the best.

Really.

Yeah.

Don’t call me insane.

I try to make everyone happy.

I try

I try

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November 2010
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