You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2012.

Flirting with my all-consuming self-destructive tendencies.

The possibilities.

Oh joy.


1. 自己走路會很快
2. 喜歡黑夜,習慣晚睡
3. 隱藏心事,喜歡一個人流淚
4. 喜歡有口袋的衣服,否則不知道手該放哪裡
5. 習慣抱臂
6. 喜歡窗戶,喜歡角落,習慣蜷縮
7. 喜歡寫字和閱讀
8. 莫名地孤獨,無法抗拒的恐懼感
9. 心事放在心底,有一個自己的世界
10. 把笑挂在臉上,幻想自己是有安全感的孩子
11. 習慣了沈默,在沈默中爆發或者選擇滅亡
12. 習慣了懷疑,卻總是要把別人往好處想
13. 喜歡懷舊,之後感到深深的寂寞和恐懼
14. 一點點事就胡思亂想,想到戲劇般的嚇人
15. 喜歡聽慢歌,傷感的歌
16. 會很用心地記下生命中出現的每個人
17. 習慣暗戀,愛上一個人會全心全意
18. 偶爾會有種想消失,或是想一輩子沈睡的想法
19. 經常不經意的發呆
20. 習慣活在過去,喜歡懷舊
21. 總會把事情想的很長久
22. 不習慣一個人莫名其妙地消失在自己的生命中
23. 總是覺得沒有人能把自己放在心裡疼
24. 喜歡傷感,甚至頹廢
25. 看似花心,看似膚淺,其實是在保護自己
26. 付出的遠遠超過得到的
27. 很固執,不懂得放棄,但一旦放棄了就絕不會回頭
28. 在別人面前笑的很開心,一個人的時候卻很沒落
29. 喜歡下小雨時淋雨
30. 心情不好的時候,都喜歡聽悲歌

Gave it my all and then some for the past 10 days.

Who knew it’d be plausible to shed pounds by merely sitting down for hours upon hours, ruminating upon the same obscure facts and formulae a few hundred times over?

To paraphrase Annie, “If I studied like this every single day during the school year, I’d definitely be a straight-A student.”

Three weeks from now, I’ll be boarding the plane headed for Montreal. But first…

放馬過來, COGS.




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Before we go any further, chérie, I wish to construct and illustrate the word solitude for you.

Solitude, like Vancouver’s incessant winter rain, must be the sweetest and most unbearable double-edged sword. The tranquil hours after midnight nurtures and soothes one’s drowsy soul, cleanses from within, and heals all the injuries from piercing words and burning looks. How marvelous it is to stride forth with a clandestine world hidden within a beating heart, a world that one retreats to when the soul grows weary and grey. A venom, that clouds and corrodes the senses. The most potent of opiums.

At times, one can’t help but think that sociability is merely half a step away from insanity.

1. 有些事,我們明知道是錯的,也要去堅持,因為不甘心;有些人,我們明知道是愛的,也要去放棄,因為沒結局;有時候,我們明知道沒路了,卻還在前行,因為習慣了。

2. 以為蒙上了眼睛,就可以看不見這個世界;以為捂住了耳朵,就可以聽不到所有的煩惱;以為腳步停了下來,心就可以不在遠行;以為我需要的愛情,只是一個擁抱。

3. 那些已經犯過的錯誤,有些是因為來不及,有些是因為刻意躲避,更多的時候是茫然的站到了一邊。我們就這樣一次又一次,卻不曉得從中吸取教訓,做一些反省

4. 很多人,因為寂寞而錯愛了一個人,但更多的認,因為錯愛一人,而寂寞一生

5. 如果你明知道這個故事的結局,你或者選擇說出來,或者裝不知道,萬萬不要欲言又止。有時候留給別人的傷害,選擇沈默比選擇坦白要痛多了。

In the deepest ocean

The bottom of the sea 

Your eyes

They turn me

Why should I stay here?

Why should I stay?

I’d be crazy not to follow

Follow where you lead

Your eyes

They turn me

Turn me on to phantoms

I follow to the edge of the earth

And fall off

Everybody leaves

If they get the chance

And this is my chance

I get eaten by the worms 

And weird fishes

Picked over by the worms 

Weird fishes

And I’ll hit the bottom

Hit the bottom and escape


Long time no see, old buddy. Time to brush the dust and cobwebs off and start afresh.

On a different note…whatever happened to the WordPress post editors? Sooner or later I’ll be defeated by the multitude of gadgets and will crawl back on my hands and knees to good ol’ Tumblr.


I found out today that my best friend from Grade 5, whom I haven’t seen in almost 10 years, is due to be married in a few weeks.

How thrilling and terribly frightening. Marriage, that is.

All those days we spent together: on the playground, chucking rolled-up papers into yards, writing letters to each other with multicoloured pens. Her sleek black pit bull/terrier cross and her hamster, of which I was terribly jealous of. Her precocious finesse with boys and my lacking thereof. Her mom’s dismal Brussels sprouts. Her fascination with my notepad of rows upon rows of Chinese characters.

One fine summer day, she gave me one last hug, hopped on a plane for the Prairies and never looked back. A month later, I shut the door of my dilapidated but faithful apartment behind me for the last time.

Congratulations, T.J., and may all your wishes and dreams come true.

April 2012
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